katherine (selfapologies) wrote,
katherine
selfapologies

I used to know what I wanted
and I thought for a while I had it
I had you
regardless of what you say I had you
I knew you.
The day you said hello to me
I couldn't do anything anymore to hold myself back.
It was breath taking.
It still is to think about it
through it all everything was always just okay
but you had me
You never lost me
when we were together everything was so complicated but it was worth it
the shit, the drama, everything.
But, when you really had me was when you said you said goodbye.
when i lost you
I wanted you more than ever it was weird
part of me always knew it would happen but I never admitted it to myself
or anyone else
now here I am finding excuses to bring you up when conversating
remember what it once was
always makes me hurt
but it was worth it
I would change everything if I could, while leaving it the same
you're terrible yet wonderful and perfect while flawed
I miss you
but I'm happy you're gone
I have a new sense of me
wiser and stronger
I'll never let my guard down ever again.
but I still care about you
and want you to be happy.
I wish you would say good bye one more time.
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