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[28 Aug 2006|04:15pm]
a new type of me has emerged from underneath the many other layers.
a new way of being all that i can is going to see the light of day
change. it came. it went. it is. change.
i needed it so much. i couldn't keep going the way i have been.
lost, not really.... found, i am.
as i weed through my friends seeing each and everyone of them
come and go as they please
i see them grow and i see them go nowhere.
the love of my life has been lost. and although he is loved again
it is not my love he has. I have not lost in the end. I have found something more
something better
loving myself. and i mean it this time.
i will not let someone bring me down
i met someone new. I know nothing about.
knows nothign about me
and the mystery is what keeps me going.

as i plan to see through his many layers
I know what i can't let someone see in me.
the mystery is a battle in itself
the battle is a mystery i know not what i will conquer
or what i will fight
i only know what i think is wrong and right.
1 said they were doers... be a dreamer.

... [22 Jun 2006|01:09am]
something I've never found comforting
a feeling, a sense, a hope, a person...
an overwhelming uncertainty
yet doubt is not on my mind
there is so reason to question
yet right now
i am so comfortable
I feel that I'm growing
that i'm learning
that is going to be my favorite lesson
love in the most unexplainale way
love who he is
who i am
who we are when we're together
not being in love
not falling in love
but loving someone with my whole heart
love without limitations
love without expectations
but love with so much more
never wondering when it'll end
love that truly has all this world can offer
and yet, the mystery that lies in between the lines
is the best
mysteriousy loving this person and hearing him say
I love you
I love you katherine
I really do
be a dreamer.

[27 Apr 2006|05:46pm]
this blurry sense of knowing
and not knowing
has taken it's toll on me
there's nothing i want more
than to feel your arms in mine
and know that everythign will be okay
but I don't know that
be a dreamer.

[17 Aug 2005|08:05pm]
i will remember to miss you
but i will miss you when i remember
but will you remember to miss me
be a dreamer.

[09 Aug 2005|02:40am]
it's funny how people come and go in your life
and how people stay in your life
then the new people.
you least expect
but you need the most
and the most fun
you have when you didn't think it would be fun at all
then the person that goes out of their way for you
and you didn't think it possible
my best friend. is amazing.
we're so different.
I love him more than anything.
be a dreamer.

[26 Jul 2005|04:08pm]

I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way
I watch the sunlight dance across your face and I've
Never been this swept away

In a way I know my heart is waking up
As all the walls come tumbling down
I'm closer than I've ever felt before
And I know
And you know
There's no need for words right now

Caught up in the touch
The slow and steady rush
Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be
I can feel you breathe
Just breathe

I can feel the magic floating in the air
Being with you gets me that way

be a dreamer.

[14 Jul 2005|12:46pm]
I just want to thank you
thank you for being you
thank you for introducing me to
h e r
she made me realize that you and I are both happier
i am me.
I want to thank you for telling me the things you do
I know you now
in a different way
and thank you for listening to me
no guy that is in my life the way you are
has ever said things to me like that
not the i love you kind of things
I've heard those so many times before
but the things you tell me
they let me know
that I need to be ready for what is to come
I know that I have messed up with you already
but when you listened to me
you now know why
and I thank you for that
you understand what I mean without me having to actually say it all
and that's amazing
you are amazing
and I thank you for that
I wish you knew entirely how I feel
but I'm happier that you know why I can't tell you
I've never met someone quite like you before
there are layers and layers of who you are
and You remind me of so many people I've met
but in a better more entire and complete way
I thank you for defending me
and I really thank you for always keeping me on my toes
it's a unique version of being on my toes though
I'm never worried what will happen
in fact I look forward to it all
when we fight and get mad at each other it's okay
it's a normal sort of way
because things are so unexplainable between us.
then there is her,
she's a part of your past and I get that
but the fact that you bring her around me
and she knows me
and she knows what's going on
is nice.
it's a breath of fresh air.
I look forward to the time we will continue to spend together
but most of all
i thank you
for being you
and I thank you
for your past
and your future
but I also love the way
you fight for me
and prove to me that you accept me
and what i've been through and what
we will go through together
you're soooo entirely and completely far from perfect
but so am i. but together we can be perfect
we just both have to be ready
and some day we will...

thank you ....
be a dreamer.

[17 May 2005|06:59pm]
pictures...Collapse )1
4 said they were doers... be a dreamer.

[11 Apr 2005|03:45am]
I'm sick and tired of occasionally feeling obligated to call people I'm not friends with anymore because we used to be friends
I'm sick and tired of
getting older.

My birthday is coming up I've never been less excited in my entire life.
big deal
i'll get fucked up ... and wake up feeling like shit the next day
nothing will be different
nothing will be better
nothing will be worse
It's ironic that right now everything in my life is technically good.
I've never been more satisfied knowing that I am truly and forever
out of a relationship that was fucked up to begin with and never should
have gotten where it did
I'm thrilled with not caring anymore and knowing that I'm better than all that
I love hanging out with tthe people that i have been lately
there's one person
s h a t t e r

p i e c e s
and probably throw them on I 4 like he did when his bong broke
but i can't help that
he has no cell phone so getting a hold of him is ridiculous
he's no good for me
in fact when we hang out I get into things I try to do only in moderation
which as we all know can often be impossible.
I was reading my "friends" page and I was thinking about how intresting it would be to get all the people I have quoted as friends and that have me marked the same, into a room and all hang out .. and stuff I think it would be strange...

anyway for those of you who care in anyway shape or form
my birthday is april 23, and there will be a large party probabley a keg party
you know my number. call me

3 said they were doers... be a dreamer.

[30 Mar 2005|05:55pm]
how can you tell me you wish you never met me.
How can you say everything was a waste.
remembering all the good times is now something you can't do
everytime I'd be sad you'd make it all better
and remind me of everything that was good in the world
I never let you know me like you let me know you
I know all that you've been through
and I can predict all that will come
I'm attatched to you in a way i can't explain.
I know you care and I know you wonder
I'm going to continue to win
like I always have.
you love me as much as I love you
You care as much as i care
but in a different way
your way is dangerous
it makes you run and hide
you're pushing me away
and I'm beginning to go
I know you're hurting
maybe more than I am
I can see it in your eyes
you're walking differently now
your shoulders are slung lowly
your posture is droopy.
You're not you anymore.
it's making me become a new me
I'm getting everything in my life in order
my school work is excelling
I'm making things in my life happier
my surroundings and all
the missing piece is you
but I'm learning to go on.

Thank you soo much to my friends.... You know who you are, you all have been helping me so much through the things I've been going through and I don't know what i'd do without you... you know who you are <3 :)
be a dreamer.

[12 Mar 2005|03:22am]
you're the only thing i know now
you're all i want
and nothing i need
you could be all to me
i want you when i wake up
and before i go to bed
everytime i think of you I want to cry
I want to know why all your feelings died
how could you do what you did
how could you be what you you are
you're not the boy I know
you're not the boy I love
You are nothing that I thought I knew
and I see a new side of you
I can't explain the way I feel
everytime I see you I want to cry
Life is too short to live like you do
so scared and so unaware of your beauty
you don't know what you do to me
You don't know what you're doing to me
you told me you'd never let me down
I love you
and everything you are
all that you do
I know someday everything will be okay
I know someday we will be who we once were
I just wish that day were today
I miss you
I love you
3 said they were doers... be a dreamer.

[09 Mar 2005|07:33pm]
If it makes you happy,
It can't be that bad...
If it makes you happy,
Then why the hell are you so sad?
be a dreamer.

[08 Mar 2005|06:35pm]
casey woody. I talked to her the other day damn I miss her we laugh so hard when we hang out. I know I pissed her off earlier in the year, with the whole dirt angels thing. But i had so much going on I was so sad, and everything felt like it was going wrong so I drank I know it's no excuse but that's what i did i felt better when i was drunk and looking back that's so terrible. i've changed so much the past 6 months and i finally feel I've come to be an okay person and i'm at a good spot in my life right now. It's like I know things suck rightnow but I know everything will get better what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. things with tommy are okay we're friends now and thats good I guess. I still don't really know how to be a friend to him. it's like I have to be careful what I do and what I say yano what I mean. I still care about him and think he's so amazing. Sometimes there are people you just can't let go. I should let go I never let myself get like this especially after chris I said I'd never let anyone get that close again. I let him get too close then I pushed him away right there after. I wonder if things could've ever been okay? our relationship was toxic. but I am going to daytona with him. it's weird. and I don't know if I will be able to hook up with anyone else.. Imean like that would make me so mad if tommy did that shit right in front of me just like out of respect... I don't know... I can't talk to him at all though.. he won't talk to me about anything serious he gets all weird and he's like I Don't know I don't know and he just like blocks me out... it's kinda lame but o well... I think we'd be good for each other if we were together now I don't know that i want to be but last night i was drunk and i told him I had a crush on him.. haha.. he was like I'm trying to be good.. i'm trying to be good he was saying it over and over again. it was weird... I mean like wtf am I supposed to do I don't know how I feel or what I want and I really don't know what he's thinking. I would do anything for him and that will never change, I just wish I knew what was going to happen I hate not knowing it drives me crazy... I guess I know he doesn't care about me and doesn't have any left over feelings for me.. if he ever even did.. it's just tough think of all the time energy and money wasted on him knowing he never cared. and probably never will... what's wrong with me what did i do. I want to fix it and I think i have i just am so confused.
3 said they were doers... be a dreamer.

[26 Feb 2005|03:55pm]
everything was so good. he was so amazing. what we were was my favorite of all. you spend everyday with someone and you have mutual respect for each other and you think you know that person, but you never truly do. I guess I understand why what's happeneded is what it is... but i still feel a sense of longing and sorrow when I remember everything. To say I'm in love with him wouldn't be true. People use that expression far too loosely. I love what we were through and through. mostly good times, but the bad times were terrible. Why we are this way right now I don't understand. He won't come near me, because he hurt me.. I'm not hurt because we're not together anymore because I think we will be again someday, but right now we need time apart to learn and to grow. I am hurt because of how he is treating me now. He told my friend
"I know I hurt her that's why it's hard to be around her, the happy way she used to be isn't there anymore she seems sad."
well I am sad... he keeps saying we're going to talk but right now we don't trust each other and that's really hard. I want to talk to him we have so much unfinished business and I think about him all the time the things I want to do with him and the stories I want to tell him. Everytime I seem him I want to run up to him hug him and jump on him like we used to. I wish things could be the way they were... I know he needs space and I realize that I do too.. But this type of space isn't healthy for either of us. He will always be that one person I wonder what could've been if only we'd been able to communicate our wants and needs more clearly... instead of fighting about going out with friends and doing things of that nature we should have just told each other the way we really feeel. I miss him and I'm going to for a while.... I will prove the idea that he has wrong.. he thinks I'm going to hook up with every guy but I will not let him get what he wants he wants me to let him down so he has an excuse for being the way he is.. well I won't do it
be a dreamer.

[06 Jan 2005|02:37pm]
looking back what a year it's been
new friends old friends and no longer friends
this new years was a amazing and i got to spend it with my favorite person
tommy <3.
he's amazing
I want everyone tomeet him I can't describe the way I feel when we're together. i love it.
really, what i want to say is... this is a new year and a new beginning.
there are many things i want to start over. i know i can't but i wonder how nice it would be.
I'm finally ready to deal with my dad being gone which is a long time coming.
home schooling is great, but i miss everyone.
theres someone i hurt
and you know who you are
you know who i am better than i do sometimes .

....i am so sorry...
9 said they were doers... be a dreamer.

[07 Dec 2004|12:22am]
I used to know what I wanted
and I thought for a while I had it
I had you
regardless of what you say I had you
I knew you.
The day you said hello to me
I couldn't do anything anymore to hold myself back.
It was breath taking.
It still is to think about it
through it all everything was always just okay
but you had me
You never lost me
when we were together everything was so complicated but it was worth it
the shit, the drama, everything.
But, when you really had me was when you said you said goodbye.
when i lost you
I wanted you more than ever it was weird
part of me always knew it would happen but I never admitted it to myself
or anyone else
now here I am finding excuses to bring you up when conversating
remember what it once was
always makes me hurt
but it was worth it
I would change everything if I could, while leaving it the same
you're terrible yet wonderful and perfect while flawed
I miss you
but I'm happy you're gone
I have a new sense of me
wiser and stronger
I'll never let my guard down ever again.
but I still care about you
and want you to be happy.
I wish you would say good bye one more time.
1 said they were doers... be a dreamer.

[18 Nov 2004|08:47pm]
be a dreamer.

[15 Oct 2004|06:04pm]
wow so right now I'm at chelseas house and me her and lauren are going to pick up erica and then we're going to halloween horror nights. woo wooo. I went last week and now I'm going again anyway, I'm so tired and i haven't been sleeping at alll lately like seriously you odn't even know. I'm up late every night talking on the freaking phone till no eternity ahhhh they're yellin at me

gotta go
2 said they were doers... be a dreamer.

[10 Oct 2004|10:34pm]

I try to tell you

by the things

 I do

I try to tell you

by the things I don't say

I try to tell you

....but I never meant

to feel this way

what I want to tell you

isn't even what I try

to tell you  


1 said they were doers... be a dreamer.

[05 Oct 2004|04:37pm]
finallyCollapse )1
8 said they were doers... be a dreamer.

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