katherine (selfapologies) wrote,

casey woody. I talked to her the other day damn I miss her we laugh so hard when we hang out. I know I pissed her off earlier in the year, with the whole dirt angels thing. But i had so much going on I was so sad, and everything felt like it was going wrong so I drank I know it's no excuse but that's what i did i felt better when i was drunk and looking back that's so terrible. i've changed so much the past 6 months and i finally feel I've come to be an okay person and i'm at a good spot in my life right now. It's like I know things suck rightnow but I know everything will get better what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. things with tommy are okay we're friends now and thats good I guess. I still don't really know how to be a friend to him. it's like I have to be careful what I do and what I say yano what I mean. I still care about him and think he's so amazing. Sometimes there are people you just can't let go. I should let go I never let myself get like this especially after chris I said I'd never let anyone get that close again. I let him get too close then I pushed him away right there after. I wonder if things could've ever been okay? our relationship was toxic. but I am going to daytona with him. it's weird. and I don't know if I will be able to hook up with anyone else.. Imean like that would make me so mad if tommy did that shit right in front of me just like out of respect... I don't know... I can't talk to him at all though.. he won't talk to me about anything serious he gets all weird and he's like I Don't know I don't know and he just like blocks me out... it's kinda lame but o well... I think we'd be good for each other if we were together now I don't know that i want to be but last night i was drunk and i told him I had a crush on him.. haha.. he was like I'm trying to be good.. i'm trying to be good he was saying it over and over again. it was weird... I mean like wtf am I supposed to do I don't know how I feel or what I want and I really don't know what he's thinking. I would do anything for him and that will never change, I just wish I knew what was going to happen I hate not knowing it drives me crazy... I guess I know he doesn't care about me and doesn't have any left over feelings for me.. if he ever even did.. it's just tough think of all the time energy and money wasted on him knowing he never cared. and probably never will... what's wrong with me what did i do. I want to fix it and I think i have i just am so confused.
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